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Building Trust via Empathy: A How-to

  • Writer: Luke
    Luke
  • Jan 17, 2024
  • 4 min read


Sons and Sunsets


In the fall of 2018, while driving down a familiar road, I was struck by an exceptionally beautiful sunset. I immediately thought of my dad, though I couldn't quite pinpoint why this sunset felt different from any other.


Both my parents shared a deep appreciation for nature, albeit in their unique ways. My dad had an affinity for astronomy—sunrises, sunsets, moon-gazing, and the pursuit of optimal star-watching angles. My mom, on the other hand, cherished all things botanical, from flowers to plants of every kind.


One day, my dad and I had been working all day burying a water line from the city’s meter into the house we had just finished building in Port St. Joe, and as we drove back from Subway to grab a bite to eat, we crossed a 4-way intersection that was positioned just so the sunset could be seen almost a mile inland, even as it melted into a bay filled with all shades of orange, yellow, and purple.


Without hesitation, Dad made a hard right- straight through the intersection without even slowing down at the stop sign. We were headed to witness the sun setting into St. Joseph's Bay. Once there, we sat quietly for a few minutes just taking it in, exchanged a few words of admiration, and then returned to our work, relying on the truck's headlights to finish the job.


Fast forward to that sunset in 2018. As I continued to drive, I thought it sure would be nice to hear his voice. I remembered I had an old voice recording from my time in the Middle East when he had called to catch up. I had listened to it several times since his death in December of 2015. This time though, I picked up on something that I had never heard before. In this 20 second clip, he started - "We ain’t had…-” then abruptly corrected himself, which he NEVER did for anyone. “We haven't had...any rain here in two weeks!"


Did he change that verb for me, or because of me? I thought hard. I never condescended to him a day in my life (he would’ve beat my ass if I had!). Sure, I always showed interest in language, and he knew I enjoyed writing and wordsmithing, but it never dawned on me that he might think that I thought less of him because of his accent, or not even that, but that he might have wanted me to be proud of him.


After some thought and a few heartfelt tears, I arrived at a realization—my father was reaching out for a connection. Despite his pride and strength, he wanted that bond. He recognized an opportunity to reinforce it, and he took it. To some extent, of course, this is all speculation. I’ll never be able to know now. But that incident made me consider all of the little ways we try to connect both personally and professionally, and how empathy can lay the foundation for a strong, trusting relationship in any aspect of your life.


Anyone who follows me knows I believe that all business is personal, so it goes without saying that empathy would be a value I find increasingly important in the business world today. If you ask leaders of the world's largest companies what they find most valuable in key leadership positions, they'll tell you - trustworthiness. Now, empathy and trustworthiness aren't identical, but with a little bit of work, it is easy to see how you can build trust by practicing empathy, and that's what I'd like to discuss in today's post - how develop trustworthiness using empathy. Let's start with understanding.


Empathy through Understanding


Imagine stepping into someone else's shoes, seeing the world through their eyes, and truly understanding their feelings and perspectives. That's empathy in action. When we demonstrate empathy, we send a powerful message to those around us – a message that says, "I see you, I understand you, and I value you." This creates the essential foundation for trust. Being understood is a vital to developing trust.


Empathy through Consistency


Trust isn't something that happens overnight; it's built through consistent actions over time. When your empathetic understanding is reflected consistently in your decisions and behaviors, people see you as reliable and trustworthy.


When empathy becomes an indelible part of your character, permeating your daily decisions and behaviors, it sends a powerful message to those around you. People come to perceive you as not just reliable, but as someone who embodies trustworthiness itself. This trust is a result of the genuine empathy you consistently demonstrate, proving that your intentions are sincere, and your actions are aligned with your core values.


Empathy through Integrity


Empathy often guides us toward more ethical and compassionate decisions. It encourages us to consider the impact of our actions on others, not just ourselves. When people witness you making decisions that prioritize the well-being of all, your trustworthiness soars. Empathy then, fosters trustworthiness in the presence of integrity.


Empathy through Conflict Resolution


Empathy isn't just about understanding; it's also a potent tool for resolving conflicts effectively. By comprehending the feelings and perspectives of all parties involved and showing genuine concern for their emotions, you can find resolutions that are both accepted and respected. This skill can significantly enhance your trustworthiness as a leader.


Empathy through Reliability and Support


Empathy naturally leads to being perceived as supportive and reliable. In times of need, people trust those who they believe will be there for them. Empathetic individuals are often seen as such pillars of support. This perception is invaluable, especially in the dynamic world of entrepreneurship and leadership. Perhaps most importantly, reliable pillars of your community and the businesses they run develop trust in their willingness to support others by showing up reliably. The empathy required to show support then, naturally develops trust.


Empathy and Trust - the Dynamic Duo of Ideal Professional Traits


Consider your role - would intertwining empathy with trustworthiness mean actively listening to your clients, understanding their unique situations and challenges, consistently offering support and advice that aligns with their needs and goals? It's also about creating a space where those you serve feel their aspirations and concerns are understood and valued, which in turn fosters a trusting relationship.


While empathy is a crucial component of trustworthiness, it's important to remember that trust is built over time. It requires consistent and reliable actions that validate your empathetic intentions. Trust is not just about understanding others; it's also about acting in ways that consistently reinforce that understanding, and allowing empathy to guide your actions is a reliable way of accomplishing that goal.







 
 
 

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