The Discipline of Giving

"It's best to start the discipline of generosity when the amounts are small. It's easy to give ten cents out of a dollar; it's a little harder to give a hundred thousand out of a million."

-Jim Rohn

Introduction

Over the past week, I started writing on the topic of giving and realized it is not only difficult to talk or write about, but it is also difficult for the world to receive good information around the topic of giving without making assumptions about one's intentions.

Most of the time we hear, at least as children, or from the pulpit as adults, that we should give. It is a moral act, and one that directly affects the relationship you have with God, with others, and with yourself. That line of thinking isn't necessarily unreasonable, but you are far less likely to get someone on board with giving if you're leading with "shoulds." So, no shoulds here. This is where I'm at in my life, so I thought I'd share it with you.

The second most common speech you hear about giving is usually from someone who is telling you all about the various ways they've given to their community, the world, and any number of organizations. There's nothing wrong with this either, of course, unless it is shameless braggadocio meant to impress listeners, rather than call them to action.

I know many motivational speakers and other public figures who have used their giving as a way to show what is possible once you have earned your fortune, but many do it simply to pat themselves on the back. No use belaboring that point. We all know the type.

Giving as a discipline

In business coaching, giving isn't a topic that comes up often. Discipline, however, is a common topic for entrepreneurs and small business owners. The topic invariably spills into the topic of habits, and that's to be expected.

Giving is no different. When we practice giving as a discipline, we are showing a dedication to become more. If you give more, you become more. This line of reasoning fits neatly into a narrative of self-actualization, mastery, as well as personal and financial success.

In Jim Rohn's lecture on giving from the late 80's, he masterfully draws parallels between your capacity to give and your capacity to receive, and ultimately, succeed. Giving, he often says, is better than receiving because it's giving that starts the cycle of receiving. While that may sound selfish, it demonstrates the synergy between these two acts. We'll go further into receiving in a moment.

If you're thinking giving and discipline sound like an unhappy pair, you wouldn't be alone, but I would encourage you to give it a second thought. What is discipline? Discipline is something we do in the absence of motivation to achieve better outcomes in some aspect(s) of our lives.

To be clear, the sense of discipline I'm referring to here is that of a daily practice, not that of a parent to a child for doing something wrong. That said, a disciplined practice of giving is not achieved without a certain distance from one's feelings.

Disciplined giving involves giving when you don't necessarily feel like it, because you know it is something that provides a return, has a positive impact on others and the world around you, and offers a path to both becoming and receiving more.

Here's the key to developing a discipline of giving. Give only what you have in abundance. If that is wisdom via lived experience, give it freely. If that is time or money, give it with an open heart, knowing that only then will you be able to receive more than you've given. Receiving well ensures your ability to give more in the future, and offers a way to check the spirit of your giving.

How to Receive

Many of us struggle with receiving. A lack of self-worth or self-confidence could be at the root of your inability to receive. If we feel we are not worth giving to, how could we possibly receive well? As Brene Brown puts it, "Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart."

In other words, that flow of positive energy in and out follows the same path, and that path is the heart. If it's open while giving, you'll know by how well you receive. If it's open in receiving, you can have confidence that your giving is bringing you all the potential it holds for you.

Open-hearted Giving

I don't have the space here, but I could argue that most of the giving in the world today is done from a closed-heart or scarcity mindset. How could I know that? Look around. If abundance is available to us all, and so many of us have given of ourselves so many times throughout our lives, how is it that we are all not swimming in well-being and financial success?

Virtually all of the most wealthy among us have given incredible amounts of time, money, and resources. So if giving well generates abundance, and most people do not live in abundance, what does that tell you about our capacity to give and receive? Exactly.

Not only are we told we should give, we often give from a place of scarcity, and often it's because we feel we should! Both of these states of being work against our efforts to receive the most that life has for us.

A scarcity mindset believes there's not enough to go around. That belief blocks any positive associations you could receive from the act of giving. The common image of the person pinching the dollar as he hands it over to the cashier, who has to almost tear it from the man's hand; this is an image replete with scarcity.

A closed heart has a similar effect. A closed heart can come from scarcity as well, but it can also come from not believing in the person or organization you're giving to, or from being a damaged giver who has been burned by over-giving of themselves too many times in the past.

My opinion is that giving in either of these states of being is counterproductive. It's not neutral. It makes things worse for you. Don't give without feeling you have something to give. I'm just asking you to reflect on what that is and focus on generating enough of something in order to give it so that you can begin the expansion process that invites prosperity.

Before establishing an intention to give in order to improve the world around you and increase your ability to receive, you need to feel that you have an abundance of something. As I mentioned above, the things you feel you can give will depend on where you are in your life and what your gifts are.

Find something that would make you energized to give. Something that would not deplete you, but rather bring you joy. This is the key to becoming more than you are right now.

Disciplined Giving is Regular Giving

As the goal of changing your body requires consistent changes in behavior such as going to the gym or eating fewer calories, changing your capacity to give requires the practice of giving regularly. Once you've identified what brings you joy to give and doesn't deplete you, begin giving in moderation, but try to give consistently.

As you become more comfortable giving in this way, you can increase your capacity to give, thereby increasing your capacity to receive. Remember, the receiving side of the equation can serve as a benchmark for the degree of openness you feel while giving. If receiving still feels awkward, spend some time reflecting on your giving and see if there is a better way to give that opens up your capacity to receive.

My Experience

Giving is a touchy subject, but I have experienced the long-term effects of not working on my capacity to give. It has kept my life needlessly small, and it has severely limited my ability to receive. I don't have time to beat myself about the reasons why, but know that you are not a bad person because you haven't developed a healthy capacity to give.

Feeling guilt around this topic is as common as it is unhelpful. Since I have had to work relentlessly on both ends of the equation - giving and receiving - it has taken me a long time to figure out what a healthy giving-receiving synergy feels like. If you've needed time or still need more, that's ok too.

I think what I'm trying to do that was not done for me is have someone break down the incredible upside of giving in terms of creating meaning, having an impact, and opening the doors of your heart to receive more. This topic is worth whatever pain you must endure to get to the bottom of your incapacity for giving. There is a world of abundance on the other side, and it's really hard to feel that if you can't both give and receive in an open-hearted way.

I encourage you to reflect on the role models you had in childhood as givers. Did they do it from a place of scarcity or abundance? Did they do it from a place of open-heartedness or were their hearts closed? Did they feel they were bad people if they didn't? Did you get hurt in your efforts to give of yourself to someone? How has that affected your life?

These questions have implications for your business as well. The same energy is at work because YOU are the source of your work. If all business is personal, how could your business not be affected by your ability to give in your private life?

So to sum up, here are the 3 simple steps to start an intentional, healthy giving practice:

• Identify a means of giving that doesn't deplete you

• Start small

• Increase over time

Schedule regular check-ins to make sure your heart is open and that you're in a place of abundance, and that you're ready to maximize the vast potential that healthy giving has for your life and business.

The vessel used to give is the same size as the one used to receive. Plug any cracks caused by pain and fear so you can be filled, and watch your vessel grow, even as it overflows.